In Only Two Months
by ImagenAshyun
Summary: The gestation period for humans is nine months. For foxes, it's only two! AYIIIEEEE!!! That means James only has around sixty days to prepare for the new baby! Chapter 4's up! We have to tell James the news! But um, what's he doing in a construction site?
1. Home Again

Author's Note: I don't own StarFox. Nintendo does. This story popped into my head while I was lying down with my mom and dad by side. I love my parents, so I guess this is for them ^^. It was also that time I have played a round of StarFox, then I thought. "What about Fox's mom?" Then I came up with weird ideas and POOF!!! Here's my next fanfic! None of this is related to real life, though. This will be my second attempt for a humor fic (the first failed miserably, so I dropped it). Hopefully I can keep this short, about six or seven chapters at the least (well, that's short for me.). Please R&R. Thank you. ~Imagen~  
  
  
  
Chapter 1: "Home Again"  
"We're almost there, just three more shots!" Peppy shouted in his comlink as James flew in to take another shot at the massive robot. Standing sixty feet tall but not as gruesome as your everyday mechanical Godzilla wannabe, a very large iron dragon smashed down its fifth building in Fortuna, destroying it completely, allowing it to fall. All of the people have evacuated the apartment, thank goodness, although several were still injured. StarFox was sent to take out this mechanical monstrosity and take in its owner- a midget mouse with a mastermind of a genius, the IQ of a rocket scientist, and a fashion sense of a wimpy school nerd.  
  
"That's it, Petunia!" the mouse shouted as he held a measly remote control in his hands and yelling in an annoying voice that would irritate even one's little brother. "You can smash that building into a pancake. and soon the whole world!"  
  
"This guy's loonier than a room full of cuckoo clocks!" Pigma groaned as he shot two times unto the mecha's head. James delivered the final shot, and the head of the monster exploded, chunks of metal and fire spewing into the air. One of these chunks of metal nearly squashed the mouse into delicious mouse-flavored pancake flambe' (topped with cherries and whip cream if you're willing to go that far).  
  
"We did it!" James cheered as the dragon mecha came to a halt. Before he would turn to capture the mousy nerd the dragon began moving again, lifting up its big feet and nearly squishing a fat hippo eating his hot dog (with relish and onions! Yum) as it advanced to another building. James shuddered then turned to his communication link, "I thought you said he'd be finished, Peppy!"  
  
"So did I!" the young rabbit panicked as he meshed into his computer's keyboard, the scanners on his Arwing re-scanning the monster. The monitor showed the results, proving that the first scanning was wrong. or is it? "It's not at the head."  
  
"Then where is its weakness?!"  
  
The mouse, while trying to avoid being trampled by stampeding civilians and being run over by a steamroller and an SUV full of soccer players, had his communication line open as well. "You fools! My Petunia has no weakness! She can never be defeated!"  
  
"Petunia?" Pigma repeated. "He named his mecha dragon.. Petunia?"  
  
"So what?" Peppy commented. "There was this one psycho platypus from Macbeth who named his giant mecha tarantula 'Cuddles' and his scorpion 'Poopsy'!"  
  
"Poopsy?"  
  
"The time of talk is over, StarFox! Prepare to die!" the mouse bellowed into his link as he pressed a button on his remote control. The mecha dragon turned to where StarFox flew, with its pink bulging eyes turning red. It abandoned the building it was about to crush and advanced towards the three jetting Arwings, which were shooting at random places at the mecha. "Petunia" then began to roar then swing its arms around, swatting them like flies.  
  
"Hurry, Peppy, there's got to be a weakness somewhere!" James yelled in his link as he dodged the mecha's arm.  
  
Sweat dripped from Peppy's brow as he mashed into his keyboard again. "I'm trying, I'm trying, okay?!"  
  
"PEPPY, WATCH OUT!!!" Pigma screamed, warning his wingman as one of Petunia's arms began swinging directly at Peppy's ship. It was too late for the rabbit to fly out of the arm's path, and he shuddered and braced himself, waiting for that arm to hit. By the time that limb was only inches away from Peppy's wing, however, it froze in midair.  
  
All three of the StarFox mercenaries gaped in surprised. "HUH???!!!"  
  
"Heavens to Murgatroid!" the mouse gasped as he looked into his remote control. "My batteries are DEAD???!!! Noooooooooooooooooooooo! I have used up all my AA batteries already! I can't buy anymore from my local 711 store, they already kicked me out for shoplifting a 7-Up Slurpee!"  
  
Peppy watched as Fortunian troops moved in to capture the mouse. He sighed as he leaned forward by his cockpit's controls, commenting to his wingmen on the mouse: "Is there REALLY no such thing as a stupid genius?"  
  
***  
  
"Congratulations on your latest victory, StarFox. Heard it was an easy one," General Pepper felicitated the StarFox Team, a big grin on the bloodhound's face.  
  
James shrugged nervously. "Easier than we thought, actually. Seventeen casualties, no deaths, and five buildings crushed. Could you believe that? I mean, it's like a miracle!"  
  
"And best of all, sir," Pigma began, also grinning. "we were able to capture Dr. Ima Kouki Tinkler ((pronounce it "I'm a Kooky Tinkler")) without much of an effort! And General Silvera still rewarded us pretty nicely for it!"  
  
The General began to chuckle, "Perhaps he found it entertaining to watch Dr. Tinkler scream like a girl when the troops took him in." StarFox laughed with him. Pepper continued, "Well, great job on your mission, StarFox. Hope we see each other again, soon!"  
  
"Yes, sir, General!"  
  
"General Pepper, over and out!" *KSSSHT!!!*  
  
James began chuckling again as he walked to his easy chair and hopped on it as General Pepper's hologram disappeared. However, his snickering disappeared when the computer began speaking in its monotone, mechanical voice. "Incoming call from Corneria."  
  
"I wonder who could that be," Peppy muttered as he turned into the hologram, turning it on. Appearing before the Mercenaries was the head, shoulders, and torso of a young and beautiful vixen woman, seeming to be a bit angry and frustrated.  
  
James recognized the woman right away. "AAACK!!! Vixy! Nice of you to call, sweet love-"  
  
"Shut the 'sweet love' talk, James, right now I am very pissed at you," Vixy growled in a low voice. Obviously she was upset at this very moment, intimidating enough for Peppy and Pigma to cower and wince in fear, even though Vixy was addressing only her "dearly beloved" husband, James.  
  
The young fox chuckled as he adjusted the glasses on his nose. "Oh, ho, Vixy, you must have a very bad day today, I'm sure that-"  
  
"Bad day? BAD DAY???!!!" Vixy began raising her voice. Peppy and Pigma ran from the room, fearing the woman's fury. James fell backwards from his wife's bellowing. Vixy continued with a slight quivering in her voice. "James, it's our second anniversary today, and you have forgotten ALREADY???!!!"  
  
"Our second. oh." James muttered to himself. "Geez. I've seem to forgotten- "  
  
"Damn straight, James! We've been married for only two years and you're leaving me behind already! You've been away from home for six months straight, missing my birthday, your birthday, my mother's birthday, even the anniversary when we first met!"  
  
"She can remember all that?" Pigma remarked. Peppy immediately slapped his furry paw over the hog's mouth.  
  
James began to shake as his wife continued her ranting, her eyes starting to moisten. "We're still newlyweds, yet we're starting to act like an old couple! I can't believe you're doing this to me, James-"  
  
"Vixy, Vixy, please, I'm sure I can-"  
  
"You can what?! Fly around in space just so you can get blown into bits while having only money and rewards floating around your head?!"  
  
"Vixy-"  
  
"I'll see you when I see you, James!" Vixy said her good-byes as tears began streaming down her face, the hologram soon disappearing.  
  
Pigma couldn't help chuckling as he approached his leader, who has fallen to his knees. "Some wife ya got there, Jim! Geez, and as if women weren't already demanding as they are-"  
  
"No. Vixy's right," James said.  
  
Pigma shook his head quickly and cleaned out his ear. "Say what?"  
  
"Vixy has the right to be angry. I've been away from home for six months without even mailing a letter or calling her or anything. She's probably worried about me and frustrated with my absence. What kind of husband am I- "  
  
"Now, look, she's just giving you guilt trip and using psychology to get you back-"  
  
James turned to Pigma with a sad look in his eyes. "Pigma, my friend, when was the last time you've dated a girl?"  
  
"Freshman high school year!" Peppy answered for his swine companion. "Of course, that sow dumped him on Prom Night-"  
  
"Shaddup!" Pigma smacked the lagomorphine on the head. Peppy winced in pain.  
  
James shook his head. "Well, I'll bet Vixy's just feeling lonely. And lately, I've been the same way too. In fact, I can't stop thinking about her the last few days."  
  
"Oh, great, now we're all sappy now!" Pigma growled.  
  
It was Peppy's turn to smack him on the head. "Well, whaddya expect?! They've been married for two years! And with James being absent for six whole months you can say they're still newlyweds!"  
  
James began to smile gently. "We're setting course to Corneria."  
  
"WHAAAAAAAAT???!!!"  
  
"Why not? I need to spend some time with Vixy. We've been apart these several months and I want to see her again. I know that by the time we reach there it's too late for our anniversary, but that doesn't mean I can still have a special night with her. Plus, with the money we just earned-"  
  
"Hold on, you are NOT gonna use our new cash!" Pigma whined.  
  
Peppy chuckled. "Oh, let him, Pigma. Just remember, of the three of us, James is the one who ended up settling down with a loving wife who cares for him."  
  
"I'm sorry, Peppy, but I don't consider that screechy ranting 'loving'."  
  
***  
  
Vixy was cooking out of a Filipino cookbook while wearing a pansy apron over a pink dress when James burst into the house. The vixen nearly dropped her pan full of pansit noodles in surprise. "J-JAMES!!!"  
  
"What, no hugs and kisses? Your knight in shining armor has returned to his lady and castle!"  
  
Vixy didn't move. James grimaced, realizing he just made a mistake. He expected a round of another set of ranting, but instead his wife sighed sadly as she turned the stove's heat low and sat on a chair. James's ears laid back as he watched his spouse sniff and snivel then nearly cry. The male fox ran to his beloved's side, "What's the matter? Aren't you happy that I'm here, or are you still upset that I didn't come to our anniver-"  
  
The vixen threw her arms around James's neck and began sobbing over his chest. The male was shocked at his wife, surprised she's even crying. He placed his hands on her shoulders, "What's wrong?"  
  
Vixy shuddered in James's arms. "Two weeks ago . I. was in an accident-"  
  
"What?!"  
  
The vixen gazed into her husband's eyes with fear. "I was driving home after buying some groceries when a semi hit my car....."  
  
"Vixy... well, you're here. you're not hurt from the accident, are you?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Good."  
  
"I was untouched until I fell off the bridge."  
  
"VIXY!!!"  
  
"I stayed in the hospital for those two weeks, with only minor injuries. But my life flashed before my eyes as I plunged into the water."  
  
"Vixy-"  
  
"And the first thing that came to my mind was you."  
  
James was silent.  
  
Vixy hugged her husband closer. "That accident happened three hours after I called you. I am so sorry."  
  
The two foxes embraced that very moment. James could feel his wife's heart beat quickly next to his. His arms wrapped around his beloved as he laid his head on her shoulder, whispering very softly as she cried. "Shhh. it's all right. You survived, and I'm glad you have, Vixy."  
  
"James-"  
  
"Everyday ever since I went away, I've been placing my life in danger in missions. But even when my pals and I relaxed, I was still thinking about you. Now that both of us are together again."  
  
Both foxes gazed lovingly into each other's eyes, then slowly and softly embraced close again to lock their lips in a tender kiss. James then wrapped his arms around Vixy's waist and then began to untie the apron that wrapped her. He lifted her into his arms, Vixy's arms still around James's neck. He then carried her into their bedroom, where they will have their first night in a very long of romance.  
  
***  
  
Hanging upside from the roof was certain sneaky pig, peeping through the kitchen window. His rabbit companion was holding on to his ankles, preventing him from falling.  
  
"Pigma, I don't think we should be doing this!" Peppy yelled as he struggled to keep balance on the roof. "I mean, this is James's night alone with his wife! We shouldn't be peeking like this! We'll get in trouble with him-"  
  
"We're not gonna get in trouble as long as we don't get caught! Now lift me up, Peppy! James just brought Vixy to the master bedroom! Looks like they're about to get it on."  
  
"Pigma!"  
  
"C'mon, I wanna see some action!'  
  
"Haven't you see enough from the rated X movies?" Peppy growled as he purposely let Pigma drop to the garden of roses below, allowing the thorns to stick and poke the pig as he fell. He ignored the pig's high-pitched screaming as he climbed off the roof and hopped unto the pavement, walking away to let his leader have the night alone with his wife.  
  
((to be continued.)) 


	2. When Strange Things Happen

Author's Note: I don't own StarFox. Nintendo does. Here's my next fanfic! None of this is related to real life, though. This will be my second attempt for a humor fic (the first failed miserably, so I dropped it). When you see a certain character in this story, note that this is pre-Lylat Wars (heck, pre-Fox McCloud), so hopefully you can accept him as a "good guy" before he becomes bad. Sadly, I doubt this fic will be short, because I got lots of ideas to put down! ^^ The only problems are schoolwork, a crappy computer that sometimes refuses to upload my fics, and the occasional writer's block. This fic is rated PG-13 for crude humor, some language, and Pigma's demented perversion (stoopid piggy. Don't worry, though, the pig doesn't have much of a part in this chapter!). Please don't sue me if you'll never see hot-dogs the same way again. Please R&R Thank you. ~Imagen~  
  
  
  
Chapter 2: "When Strange Things Happen"  
  
Eight days later...  
  
"James! It's been a while!" General Pepper greeted happily, a big smile on his furry face. He opened his arms open as soon as he saw the StarFox Leader and his wife. He embraced the couple warmly, James and Vixy doing the same. All three were happy to see each other again face-to-face.  
  
The General stepped back, hands on James and Vixy's shoulders. "What brings you two here?"  
  
James grinned. "I just thought I'd might drop by in the Cornerian Base. It's been a while since I've last been here..."  
  
Pepper nodded. "I'm sure I don't mind you being here, but right now I'm a bit busy. Beltino Toad has a new model of air fighter he wants to show me, and I was hoping I would-"  
  
"No problem! I haven't seen Beltino also, I would love to see the new model!" James turned to his wife. "Would you like to also, Vixy?"  
  
The lovely shook her head. "No thanks, to be honest, these things bore me. I'll hang around and wait for you guys, and I'll see you and Beltino then."  
  
"Suit yourself."  
  
***  
  
"I'm hungry..." Vixy murmured as she sat down on a chair after talking with several old friends. However, to them, she was known as James's wife. After a few, "Hi, how are you doing? I'm fine, thank you," type of conversations, everyone else went back to their own business. Vixy immediately grew bored, regretting that she should've went with her husband and General. Maybe Beltino's new model will be more exciting than she thought it would be...  
  
"Are you bored, Vixy?" a deep voice spoke. Vixy nearly jumped in surprise and looked behind her. Standing tall behind the chair the young vixen sat on was a tall, strongly built ape about ten years her senior in a lab coat, wearing a red shirt, white tie, black slacks, and neat loafers. The ape smiled, his red eyes gazing to the vixen. The skin on his face was naturally slightly red, his hair white. Vixy recognized the ape right away.  
  
"Hello, Dr. Andross."  
  
"Feeling uncomfortable, my dear friend?"  
  
"Just bored. And hungry," Vixy said as she leaned back on her chair and stretched her arms and shoulders long, making Andross back up a few steps. He didn't mind, he knew he had to give the young lady her space if he wants to keep her comfortable.  
  
The doctor, a scientist in the field of varieties of technology and a few branches in biology, smiled gently again at the fox. "I have food in my office."  
  
Vixy quickly turn on her seat, kneeling on it rather than sitting, clutching the chair's lean. "Really?! Got anything... sour? Sweet?"  
  
"What?" Andross placed a clawed finger on his hairy chin. "Well... I've got pickles."  
  
"Pickles!"  
  
"Some vanilla ice cream my sister just bought for me."  
  
"Ice cream!"  
  
"And also some fried chicken!"  
  
Vixy hesitated. "Blech... fried..."  
  
"What's wrong? Don't you like fried chicken?" Andross began to laugh. "I remembered those days when we were together before you've met James... whenever we would go out to eat, the first thing you'd' cry out is 'FRIED CHICKEN!!!'!"  
  
"Well, I'm not in the mood for any fatty foods right now... more into sweet and sour yummies!"  
  
"All right, then," Andross said nervously, a few drops of sweat dripping from his brow. "What say we satisfy those cravings now?"  
  
"Yeah! Yeah!"  
  
***  
  
'Wow... this place is really big...' Vixy thought as she walked into Andross's office. It actually didn't really look like an office, more like a cross of a miniature library and a small laboratory. On the farthest end to the right were several very tall shelves full of books, heavy, dusty old books that the greatest scientists have ever treasured, from Darwin's books on the origin of species to encyclopedias on terminology on technology and mechanics. To the far right were several tables, each and every one of them either piled with heavy metal, wires, batteries, glass tubes, microscopes, test tubes, and other scientific lab tools. Ahead of the vixen was Andross's desk, mile-high papers piled around it, save the center for the ape to write to read on.  
  
On that table, other than the papers, a Gameboy Advance console with a Hamtaro game in it, a magazine on how to run over a one-legged possum in a highway during rush hour in ways more than one, a photo with Andross's sister with a hanging noose doodled around her neck and a mustache and chin drawn on her face with a Sharpie, and another photo of a four-legged dog peeing in the Pigma's lemonade without him knowing it (before you ask, yes, he drank it. icky-poo, I mean, icky-pee.), Vixy noticed a "Have a Nice Day" plastic brown bag with the face of a smiley and an arrow through its head. The woman quickly ran to the bag and dug into it, throwing out whatever was in it: a yo-yo with a picture of a bunny on it, a "I'm with Stupid" T- shirt, a shrunken head that kind of resembled Andross's mother-in-law, gag- glasses complete with big-nose and mustache, boxers with teddy bears as a tessellation design, a broken pogo stick (how all that can fit in a little plastic is a mystery itself), a Psyduck (with a really big headache), another shrunken head that resembled more like Vixy's mother-in-law, something that resembles a little latex balloon (we will not go that far), and finally a dead one-legged possum with what seems like tire tracks all over its quarter-inch thin flattened body. Andross noticed the possum and grabbed it before Vixy would ask any questions, throwing it out the window. "I'm sorry," he apologized. "I have no idea how that got in there."  
  
"What about this?" Vixy asked as she held up the latex object. Andross also grabbed that thing and threw it out the window, joining the roadkill that into a vat of relish a hot-dog seller was using to put on hot dogs. The scientist closed the window, ignoring the seller who was just putting relish on a hot dog for an aging giraffe and watching him take a big bite.  
  
Vixy cleared her throat. "My food?"  
  
"It's in this bag," Andross said as he pulled out another "Have a Nice Day" plastic brown bag, except the smiley had two arrows through its head rather than one. Vixy immediately began grabbing the contents and, without looking, quickly popped in whatever her hands could get to into her mouth.  
  
It was too late for the scientist to warn the vixen. "Vixy, I meant to warn you... there's another dead one-legged possum in the bag..."  
  
Vixy instantly began spitting out the roadkill in her mouth. "What's with you and one-legged possums?!"  
  
Andross sighed. "Both were... ahem... having fun with my legs... I just HAD to run them over with my Porche-"  
  
"But they're in both of your bags..."  
  
"My sister Andrea put them there as a prank."  
  
"THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME SOONER?!!!" Vixy yelled angrily as she reopened Andross's window and threw out the roadkill. That same hot-dog seller who decided to sell food in a military base was still hanging around under there, not realizing the second possum fell into the bucket of onions. The vixen shut the window again as the seller sprinkled the onions all over a hot dog and gave it to a little turtle boy. Not seeing a foot in his onions, the boy took a large bite on his hot-dog, commenting to the seller, "Hmmm... crunchy!"  
  
"Crunchy?"  
  
"Well..... it's kinda lumpy too... and salty..."  
  
Andross began taking out several cardboard containers and placed them in the center of his desk, opening them. Vixy watched starry eyed as the pickles, fried chicken, vanilla ice cream, and much more were laid out: apple pie, chicken stew, Caesar salad, clam chowder, dumplings, siopao, ramen, sesame teriyaki chicken, and fried rice. The vixen's jaw dropped, her mouth drooling a river, making Andross walk to his closet and wipe his flooding office with a mop and pine-smelling disinfectant (I love that scent! I even get high from it! @_@;)  
  
Vixy began yelling again. "Why didn't you tell me you had more than pickles, fried chicken, and vanilla ice cream?!"  
  
Andross chuckled nervously. "Well, I've forgotten about all this other food... my sister came to drop by. She..." the doctor paused as a smile lit across his face. "I just received the news that my baby sister is pregnant. She and her husband came over here to Corneria from Fortuna to hold a party with my family. I think she wants a boy... I'll bet she'll name him Andrew- "  
  
The scientist suddenly stopped his talking when he realized all the food was gobbled up except for the vanilla ice cream. Andross nearly fainted. "GWAAAH!!! How can you finish all that food while I was talking for only for about a minute???!!!'  
  
"I was hungry!"  
  
"I didn't think you'd be THAT hungry!"  
  
"Can I ask you something, Andross?"  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Got anymore food?"  
  
"YOU ATE ALL THE LEFTOVERS FROM MY SISTER'S PARTY!!!"  
  
"Oh, there's the ice cream!" Vixy giggled with glee as she quickly grabbed the cardboard bucket of ice cream. Andross gaped in surprised as the vixen slurped down the ice cream in one gulp, letting the creamy white flow into her mouth and swallowing it all so quickly. The ape was counting the whole time.  
  
"TEN SECONDS! VIXY, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU???!!!"  
  
"I'm just so hungry... oh....." Vixy stood up, flinched, and held her head. "BRAIN FREEZE!!!"  
  
"WELL, YA SHOULDN'T EAT THAT ICE CREAM IN TEN SECONDS FLAT!!!"  
  
"Brain freeze..." Vixy moaned as she began wobbling around the office. Andross froze in his feet, watching the vixen teeter around the room, running into random objects like her chair, the shelf, and the desk. When she bumped into the desk, Andross noticed the piles of paper tilting. The scientist quickly ran as the papers began falling, but it was too late. Many of the papers already began falling down, towards Vixy. Andross ran and pushed her out of the way, taking her place in the path of the falling papers. However, Vixy continued wobbling around, not realizing the many papers falling on the scientist.  
  
Andross groaned, the papers piling over him, feeling as if it were lead instead of lightweight paper. The ape thrashed and dug himself out, gasping for air as Vixy continued to wobble, bumping into the bookshelves. Andross's eyes widened as the books began to shift, the shelves beginning to sway. The doctor began swimming in the sea of papers, Vixy continuously ramming into the shelves as she held her aching head. She tottered out of the shelves' way as it began to fall, Andross making another blunder by trying to protect the vixen but taking her place instead. Although he screamed as books, encyclopedias, dictionaries, science news magazines, PowerPuff Girls's video game player's guide, Pokemon manga books, and Playboy magazines (where did those come from?) falling all over him, Vixy was unable to hear his cries for help and of frustration.  
  
"Vixy, would you stop wobbling around my office?!" Andross bellowed. He was not heard, seeing that Vixy continued to roam. Andross dug himself out and ran to the vixen, thinking about grabbing her then literally kicking her out of his office. Vixy accidentally rammed into the table with metals piled up on its top (is that brain-freeze really that bad?), snapping the legs on side. The vixen collapsed on the table, speeding up the fall, some of the sharpest metals flying in the air- towards Andross. The doctor screamed like a girl as metals shot to him, only managing to thrust into his sleeves, pant legs, lab coat, and collar. Vixy groan as she sat up, seeing the doctor pinned to the wall like a cartoon idiot.  
  
"Oh, Andross..." Vixy gasped. "I'm sorry..."  
  
"Sorry ain't gonna cut it, lady!"  
  
Vixy staggered to her feet and began to lean on the table with chemicals. Andross gaped and ripped his clothes as he started to sprint towards her. "Oh, no you don't-"  
  
"Don't I what?"  
  
Before Andross would finish, he accidentally stepped on some leftover ice cream spilled from the bucket that dropped from the table where the fox ate. This was Vixy's cue to duck, and she bend over low to allow the flying ape to fling over her then crash through the bottles and shelves of chemicals. Another cue. Run. As Andross's lab coat burned and stung, Vixy immediately took off, racing for the door. Too furious to allow her to flee, Andross growled and ran around the table. "VIXY, COME BACK-!" Once again, he slipped on that same puddle of ice cream, flying into the walls, bouncing off it, then out the window, shattering the glass.  
  
When his world stopped spinning, Dr. Andross opened his eyes, for he kept them closed the whole time. When he took a first glance, he could see the face of the hot dog seller, staring at him curiously.  
  
Andross cleared his throat. "Are you authorized to sell food in a military base?"  
  
The seller didn't answer the question, but rather, he said to him, "You're sitting on my mustard."  
  
The ape looked down. Sure enough, his rear end was sinking deep into the vat of mustard, only his legs, arms, shoulder, neck, and head out to the open, almost completely covered with mustard. Andross looked to his side. A little robin girl with downy pigtails was holding a hot dog with the latex object spread all over it. The ape grabbed the object with his temple throbbing. "Gimme that!"  
  
***  
  
"Mrs. McCloud? Where are you going?" an Air Force pilot asked the fleeing vixen as she ran.  
  
The vixen stopped and leaned forward to catch her breath. "I... have to go now... tell my husband that I'll be right ba-"  
  
"Mrs. McCloud?"  
  
Before the fox would finish whatever she was saying, Vixy suddenly collapsed. The pilot was too far away from by the time she fell on the ground, and as soon as he reached her, he found out she had passed out. "Medic!" he called out.  
  
((to be continued.)) 


	3. Insanity in Your Local SaveOn Store

Author's Note: I don't own StarFox. Nintendo does. I don't own "Ranma ½" either, Rumiko Takahashi does, nor do I own any Disney characters, they belong to Disney co., the two mice trying to take the bottom can, they belong to whoever made "Stuart Little" the movie, any of those kiddie shows (the grandmas, yes, I own) the Polterguest 3000, nor the hamster from "The Nutty Professor II: The Klumps". This fic is rated PG-13 for crude humor, some language, and Pigma's demented perversion (stoopid piggy). Please review after reading. Thank you. ~~Imagen~~  
  
  
  
Chapter 3: "Insanity in Your Local Save-On Store"  
  
"Vixy?" a voice spoke softly as Vixy slowly regained consciousness.  
  
The vixen opened her eyes. "James? James, is that you?"  
  
"Huh? I'm not James!"  
  
Vixy focused on the person who is staring at her with his face only two inches away from hers, seeing a bug-eyed, long nosed, wrinkly, gray, saggy, old mug. The young lady shrieked. "EEEEK, JAMES!!! You've grown old! My dear old, I mean, young husband, what have they DONE to you?! Was it one of Andross's slightly insane Windex and Raid experiments?!"  
  
"I'M NOT JAMES!!!"  
  
Vixy rubbed her eyes as the anthro backed up. She took a second glance, seeing the face of an elephant doctor. The vixen laughed nervously. "Oh! Heheheheh.... I knew that!"  
  
"What happened?!" a familiar voice called out in the halls not too far away from the infirmary where Vixy and the doctor was in. The vixen looked down, noticing she was on a cot, with a blanket laid all over her legs and stomach. Footsteps echoed in the empty hallways, becoming louder as the person approaches. Vixy turned to the entrance. James, his glasses shifted on his nose, fur disheveled, and clothes mussed with footprints all over him, struggled to keep his balance as he leaned on the doorway.  
  
"James!" Vixy cried out in alarm. "What happened to you?!"  
  
"I heard you fainted half an hour ago while I was in the Eastern Division of the Base and-"  
  
"I fainted?"  
  
"...And I was with Beltino in a middle of a lecture, and I came as soon as I could!"  
  
"Mrs. Vixy fainted half an hour ago. What took you so long to get here? The Eastern Division is only about a five minute walk from here," the doctor asked.  
  
James sighed frustratingly. "Well, I heard a recruit accidentally spilled a bucket of Bengay down an Air Force Commander's pants in the cafeteria after he accidentally stepped on a purple and pink polka-dotted banana peel and a piece of horse radish and sauerkraut pie, topped with lard and green whipped cream. I don't what the fuss was all about, but a group of clowns, a ringmaster, two tigers on a giant beach ball, motorcycles with the cage of death rolling after them, a baby elephant with big ears and a mouse on his hat, and a parade of people with flower covered floats and giant flying cartoon characters rammed through the division and somehow stampeded only over me just to have a look!"  
  
"Poor you."  
  
"How is Vixy, Dr...." James read the identification card on the elephant doctor. "Daemon Ted Dufos?" ((Pronounce it "Demented Doofus"))  
  
Dr. Dufos smiled gently. "Vixy's fine. She fainted due to exhaustion and extreme brain freeze."  
  
"Brain freeze? How can anyone faint from brain freeze?"  
  
Vixy thought back of what happened half an hour ago. "Well... Andross DID tell me I ate a whole bucket of ice cream ten seconds flat-"  
  
"A whole bucket?"  
  
"A whole bucket."  
  
"Ten seconds flat?"  
  
"Ten seconds flat (believe it or not)."  
  
"Andross?"  
  
"Yes, Dr. Andross-"  
  
"Vixy, what were you doing with Dr. Andross? Eating out with him and slurping on a triple-scooped chocolate chip cookie dough, German chocolate, pistachio mint ice cream on a sugar cone topped with sprinkles and crushed Oreos while a Baskin Robbins person goes around selling food without authorization?"  
  
"No, kinda more like a hot dog seller with hot dogs topped with two one- legged possum road-kills and a con... never mind... it was nothing, Andross just invited me to his office so he can feed me. I was hungry!"  
  
James glanced at the elephant, who nodded. "Well, at least it was safer than that circus-crowded cafeteria."  
  
"Yeah," the fox chuckled. "Especially since they're serving curry bread, chow mein bread, croquette bread, melon bread, cutlet sandwhich, meat bread, and seaweed bread at the there (I thought I saw two human boys named Ranma Saotome and Ryoga Hibiki arguing there...)."  
  
"Curry bread... I WANT SOME!!!" the elephant shouted happily as he began to race out the door, running over poor James and adding the countless footprints all over his body. Vixy stared as she watched her husband scream as the doctor ran over him until he finally dashed out to the cafeteria.  
  
"Looks like YOU'RE the one who's going to need medical attention," Vixy said as she assisted James up, dusting up her unconscious husband and placing him on the cot in her place.  
  
***  
  
"Oh, great... I'M HUNGRY AGAIN!!!" Vixy yelled in the empty halls as she walked through them. The young lady vulpine groaned as she felt her stomach roar louder than a drowning hippo. Thoughts of the ice cream incident and James's misfortune at the cafeteria came to mind. "No way I'm going to cafeteria! Oooh... I just ate half an hour ago, yet I feel like I haven't eating for days..."  
  
Suddenly high-pitched screams rang out from above the staircase that Vixy was nearing, making her jump. She turned to her left, and stumbling down like logs on a stony hill were Peppy Hare and Pigma Dengar, both covered with green nacho cheese and purple pizza toppings, complete with fuzzy mushrooms, lumpy pepperoni, thorny sausage, and anchovy bones. Both tumbled down all four flights of stairs, each of them ramming into each wall and slamming into each step. Vixy stepped back as they rolled down the last flight, landing not-so-gracefully at the bottom floor.  
  
"Peppy? Pigma?"  
  
Both groaned miserably. Vixy could smell the rotten cheese, and it ain't delightful. "What in the world... what happened to you two?"  
  
"Another cafeteria incident..." Pigma moaned. "Except that same recruit spilled hot salsa and Tabasco sauce down the Commander's whitey tighties. And then suddenly Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, Goofy, Snow White, the Seven Dwarfs, 101 Dalmatians, Peter Pan, Cinderella, Robin Hood, Winnie-the-Pooh, the Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Mulan, Hercules, Lilo, and Stitch came out nowhere and trampled over Peppy and me while we were eating our six-month old nachos and pizza."  
  
"Good grief, just when did Disneyland have decided to come and visit the Cornerian Base?"  
  
Vixy turned to leave then came back in a minute, holding a bucket full of pine-scented watered-down disinfectant (weeeeeeeee, I'm gonna get high again! @_@) and a mop. She soaked the mop then began mopping the pig and rabbit, cleaning off the footprints, hoof-prints, paw-prints, mermaid- prints, and alien prints along with the nachos and pizza. After she was finished, she placed back the mop and bucket and bent down to the dizzy swine and lagomorphine. "Feeling better?"  
  
"Iiiiiiiiiiiiit's a smaaaaaaaall world aaaaaaaaaaaafter aaaaaaaall..."  
  
"I guess not..."  
  
***  
  
"Where are you two going?" Vixy asked Peppy and Pigma as soon as they began heading to their car fifteen minutes later.  
  
Peppy turned to the vixen. "We're eating out. We lost our appetite ever since we got trampled by cartoon characters."  
  
Both the fox and the rabbit could hear the pig snickering. "Heheheh, I get to look up what's under Cinderella's skirt! Did ya know she wears blue silk panties with lily prints all over them?"  
  
"Pigma!"  
  
Pigma began drooling. "Now if only I could see what's under Ariel or Jasmine's bra-"  
  
Peppy immediately booted his lecherous companion into the car.  
  
Vixy, although a bit afraid of Pigma's demented perversion, dared to ask, "May I come along?"  
  
"Excuse us?" Peppy said.  
  
"Well, I'm feeling really hungry right now-"  
  
"Dr. Andross told us what happened."  
  
"Oh, dear..."  
  
"Didn't you eat pickles, fried chicken, apple pie, chicken stew, Caesar salad, clam chowder, dumplings, siopao, ramen, sesame teriyaki chicken, fried rice, and vanilla ice cream half an hour ago in TEN SECONDS FLAT???!!!"  
  
"Just the ice cream. Andross told me it took me only a minute to eat the rest."  
  
"Oy! Fine.... you can come along."  
  
"YAY!"  
  
***  
  
"I want............. EVERYTHING IN THE MCVALUE MEAL!!!" Vixy requested as soon as Peppy and Pigma arrived in a McDonald's drive-thru restaurant. She turned to Peppy, who was driving. "And what do YOU want, Peppy-chan?"  
  
"Just a Big Mac combo and my lap back," Peppy choked as he struggled to breathe. Vixy, who was sitting in the back, decided to order herself by leaning on Peppy while also leaning from the back. "Geez, Vixy, you've eaten about an hour ago and you've gained a lot of weight!"  
  
"Well, I HAVE been eating a lot..." the young woman turned to the pig. "How about you, Pigma? What do YOU want?"  
  
"Uh, just a Big & Tasty combo and some of those pink flower panties of yours!" the swine said, slightly blushing as he leaned back to look up Vixy's skirt. He began to chuckle to himself, "Heheh, what a view-"  
  
"PERV!!!" Vixy cried as she booted Pigma in the face.  
  
Soon after, Peppy drove up in a parking space in a nearby Save-On store, which was only across the street from the McDonald's where they drove through. As soon as he shifted the gear to parking, the rabbit turned to the back for his food. "All right, Vixy, hand me my Big-"  
  
As soon as both the pig and rabbit turned to the vixen, they noticed she was holding an empty *VERY BIG* paper bag in one hand and a half-eaten Big & Tasty burger in the other. As for Vixy herself, her cheeks (the ones in her face, mind you) were bigger than basketballs, making her look more like a facially bloated chipmunk (with cheeks pouches that looks like it was carrying his prize from a six-foot-tall refrigerator raid).  
  
"VIXY!!!"  
  
"I'm sorry! I'm just sooo hungry..."  
  
***  
  
"It's a good thing we parked by a Save-On," Peppy spoke to himself as he, Pigma, and Vixy (yep, she's still hungry, folks!) walked through the doors of the store.  
  
A teenage mandrill employee with pimples all over his face and with an identification card that read "Frey Kien Edyot" (Freakin' Idiot) approached them and greeted them with a rather irritating cracking voice. "Hello, sirs, how may help you?"  
  
Peppy shook from his voice, already annoyed, even though the employee only said six words. "Just... point to us where the food aisle is."  
  
The mandrill pointed to the aisle near the pharmacy, past the photo shop, near the pile of cans where two tiny mice tried to pick the bottom one (and eventually all of them fell), and by where a masked shoplifter tried to steal a package of a "Barney Eats the Teletubbies" kindergarten coloring book and was caught by an old lady and using her umbrella with chainsaw- impaled pink bunny prints all over it.  
  
"Right there!" the chimp said.  
  
Pigma shuddered. "Ugh."  
  
***  
  
"And by the time we buy these, you'd better not eat them, Vixy!" Peppy growled as he tossed a bag of sour cream and onion Lays potato chips in a shopping cart.  
  
Vixy leaned on the cart, causing it to tip and spill it contents, which was mostly chips, ice cream (let's see if she'll eat all THIS in ten seconds!), frozen pasta, cookies, cup of noodles, and a black 34-D bra (I wonder how THAT got in there...), not mention toss poor Peppy into the aisle full of candy. "But I'm sooooooooooooo hungry!"  
  
"Then buy your own food! We're hungry too, ya know!"  
  
Vixy sighed as she stood away from the cart, letting it fall just in time to land right on Peppy's foot as he ran back. She started to walk around the store, looking around the aisles of food, toys, books, another shoplifter trying to steal a "Big Bird Eats the Bananas in Pajamas" preschool coloring book and a grandma with a crowbar-impaled teddy bear printed umbrella beating him the living crap out of him, and a rolling can of peas with two mice wrapped around it like a label. She soon came up to the Pharmacy booth, where a sleeping rat leaned on the counter.  
  
Vixy tapped on the rat's head. "Excuse me, sir?"  
  
The rat woke up in a jerk and began yelling in a voice that sounded a bit like Dom DeLuis. "Whoa, whoa, what in the world?"  
  
The vixen stepped back in surprise then forward. She read the rat's ID card pinned on his chest, which read "Al Koholik" (Alcoholic). "Excuse me, er, Dr. Koholik, but can you help me?"  
  
"Sure, no problem, missy! How can I help you?"  
  
"Well, first of all, I'm starting to suddenly become hungry all the time, and then I fainted, but I doubt it was from exhaustion and extreme brain freeze..."  
  
***  
  
"WHAT'S WITH THE BRA, PIGMA???!!!" Peppy shouted on top of his lungs as he flung the underwear into Pigma's face (which the piggy lecher didn't mind) at the cash register.  
  
Pigma allowed the strap to hang on his snout. "Not so loud, Peppy, the whole world doesn't need you to shout like monkey that accidentally shoved a papaya up his @$$!"  
  
"First of all, why are you planning to have me buy women's underwear if you don't have a wife or a girlfriend or ANY girl! Second of all, the only monkey I knew who did that was Andrea's husband, and believe me, it wasn't a papaya, it was a pineapple! Third of all, I didn't shout like him, although he did manage to shatter the windows not to mention temporarily my eardrums! Fourth-"  
  
All of the sudden, before Peppy would finish one of his dull lectures, twelve men, all wearing black masks, black sweaters, black pants, black boots, big pink bows on their heads with curly hair/feathers coming out, and holding rubber chickens for weapons stormed in. Each of them held out their rubber chicken like a gun and barked, "EVERYONE, GET DOWN!!!"  
  
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!" all the shoppers, employees, and the shoplifters and brutal umbrella wielding grandmas dropped to the ground, save the pig and rabbit who just stared at the men.  
  
Both of them spoke in unison. "Why are you using rubber chickens for weapons?"  
  
The leader, who was a really big man who had a really big pink bow on his head and a heart-shaped patch sewn on his sleeve that read "Mom" upside down, approached them. Peppy and Pigma had to look way up, for the man was twice their height. "Because..." the man said in a voice that sounded high pitched and like Elmo from Sesame Street. "Pooky says these rubber chickens are the best-est weapons in the whole, wide world!"  
  
Peppy and Pigma stared as their eyebrows twitched. "P-Pooky?"  
  
"Yes! Pooky's name is Pooky!"  
  
Pigma smirked. "Did you know that 'Pooky' sounds like the Filipino word for a big vagi-" Before he would continue, Peppy smacked his paw on his flapping mouth.  
  
But Pooky already got the idea. "Oooooooh... you're a bad man... with a bad mind and a bad mouth!"  
  
"And you're not?" Peppy commented.  
  
"Bad men need to be punished! Pooky will attack you!" Pooky then held his rubber chicken high and began lashing it upon their heads. Neither Peppy nor Pigma flinched or even blinked as he did... the rubber chicken was softer than a pillow. Plus it didn't look like Pooky was putting much effort in lashing them, he was using only one hand. The other was held like a sissy.  
  
Peppy sighed and spoke up. "Just what is your reason of being here?"  
  
Pooky stopped lashing and began to look up. "Uh... good question! Just what is the reason we're being here?"  
  
A shrimpy beaked masked comrade approached Pooky, using a ladder to reach his shoulder level and holding up a script entitled "In Only Two Months" written on it. He spoke in a voice that sounded like Gilbert Gottfried. "According to this script," he said, "we have to rob the money from this store!"  
  
"Oh, yeah.... I knew that!" Pooky scoffed as he snatched the script and threw it at its writer, who was sitting on a chair behind a computer and typing the story down (I got the lump to prove it).  
  
Pooky then approached the scratchy-voiced mandrill employee. "Give me all your money, zit face!"  
  
"Sorry sir, we can't do that! It's against the law!"  
  
"Do it! Or else!"  
  
"Or else what?"  
  
"Or else... or else I'll call the police!"  
  
Only crickets were heard (during the day???) as the robbers, employee, and Peppy and Pigma just stared blankly at each other.  
  
Pooky looked around nervously and cleared his throat then turned to one of his comrades, who was trying to steal a "Lamb Chop Gets Cooked" coloring book and avoiding a grandma smacking him with an umbrella with prints of kitties shooting themselves with Uzis all over it. "Unleash the secret weapons!"  
  
The thief vacuumed the grandma with one of the Poltergust 3000 vacuums on sale. "Can do, boss!" he said as he raced outside. In a flash, he returned with a barrel big enough to carry five bodies in it (@_@) and slammed it down then opening.  
  
Everyone, even Peppy and Pigma, even the mandrill employee, even the brutal umbrella wielding grandmas, and even the flattened mice wrapping a can of peas gasped at the horror of the contents of the barrel.  
  
"RABID HAMSTERS!!!"  
  
Everyone ducked for cover, including the robbers (except Pooky, who was too slow and unfortunately encountered the seething wrath of rabid hamsters). Some of the people had to face the ninja hamsters, each of them wielding a nunchakku, sword, daggers, and such, all of them madly poking each innocent bystander in the face. Some of them even grabbed some Nerf AK-47's and fired them at the shoppers and employees. Oh, the anthro-manity (is there such word?)!  
  
Luckily, Peppy and Pigma climbed up a pillar that supported the roof and ceiling of the store, with Pigma over Peppy. The rabbit grunted as he looked up, realizing his face was only an inch and a half away from the pig rear end. "Oh, gawd, Pigma, you better not bomb it or-"  
  
*BRAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!*  
  
"What did you say, Peppy?"  
  
"Oh, gawd..." Poor Peppy lost the strength to hold on and fell back, nearly fainting from the terrible smell (by the way, Pigma had bean, beef, and cheese burritos that morning before they left for the Cornerian Base).  
  
Pigma nearly cried as he watched his best buddy fall back in slow motion. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" he cried out (also in slow motion) as he reached out and grabbed Peppy's hand before he fell into the danger zone of flaming hell (which was the rabid hamsters poking the people with pencils, forks, chopsticks, and giant pitchforks). As soon as his hoof took hold of the lagomorphine's paw, Pigma shouted out as the speed of motion turned to normal (how did it go to slow motion in the first place?), "I'll never let go, Peppy! I'll never let go!"  
  
"I hope it doesn't mean what I think it means, Pigma!" Peppy grumbled, hinting that he's still conscious.  
  
Pigma was staring nervously when suddenly he felt something moving on his shoulder. The pig turned to see what it was. A hamster was sitting on his shoulder that looked an awful lot like the hamster from "The Nutty Professor II: The Klumps" movie... and it was having that goofy grin across its face and lifting its eyebrows at the unfortunate swine.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!! GET OFF ME!!! GET OFF ME!!!" Pigma cried as he broke into convulsions trying to shoo the hamster off. Unfortunately he lost grip of the pillar and fell off, he and Peppy plunging into their doom- being trapped in the sea of rabid hamsters!  
  
***  
  
In the midst of the insanity outside her door, Vixy paced around in the woman's bathroom, which is composed of a single toilet, trash bin, sink, soap, and mirror. On the sink, a box was set on it. And the box was open.  
  
Vixy looked into the instructions that was printed on the box, then looked up to the ceiling and sighed. She looked down on her feet, then brought her hand before her eyes.  
  
In her hand was a pregnancy test tube. And it read "+".  
  
Vixy turned to the box again. "-", for negative... you won't have a baby. "+", that means...  
  
The vixen began to form tears on her eyes as she turned to the test again then reached out for the toilet seat cover to close it so she can sit on it. She accidentally slammed the cover on her tail, making her cry, "OW!!!" She lifted the seat again and pulled her tail out then sat down.  
  
"How am I going to tell James?" she sighed.  
  
((to be continued...)) 


	4. We Have To Tell James The News!

Author's Note: I'm very sorry for that LOOOOOOOOOOOONG wait, guys. Three things have kept me from continuing this fic: School (regular and summer classes), writer's block (EVIL!!!) and depression. Yes, you can't write a humor fic if you're depressed! @_@ Anyway, I'm finally out of summer classes, I've got the urge to write, and I'm not depressed anymore (or at least I don't think so XD; ) All right, now for the drill...... I don't own StarFox. Nintendo does. I don't own the Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner, Warner Bros. does. The monkeys with three butts idea belongs to my eighth grade teacher (or whoever got that idea). I dunno who owns Cat-Dog, I think Nickelodeon does.... I know I don't. All that I own is this fic. This fic's genre is Humor/Drama (what's not so dramatizing about having a baby?!) and is rated PG-13 for crude humor, some language, and Pigma's demented perversion (stoopid piggy), and drug references (hopefully only this chapter). And no, Crasher, I'm not on drugs! I don't do drugs, I know what that does to one's body! ::drinks a bottle of frappuccino then bounces off the walls:: Woohoo! Woohoo! Woohoo! Woohoo!  
  
Men with white jackets: Grab her! ::they grab her, wrap her with the white jacket then throw her in a padded room::  
  
Imagen: I'm not insane!  
  
Leon: That's what you think.  
  
Imagen: Hey, what are you doing here? You don't even belong to this story!  
  
Leon: Um......... ::slips away::  
  
* ** *** ** *  
  
Please review after reading. Thank you.  
  
~~Imagen~~  
  
  
  
Chapter 4: "We Have to Tell James the News!"  
  
"Vixy?" Peppy asked as he turned back in his seat while driving back to the Cornerian Base. They were halfway there in the freeway, but even then Vixy didn't say a word. "Vixy," he continued, "are you all right?"  
  
Vixy's ears perked. She muttered, "Yes, I'm fine..."  
  
"You don't sound like it..."  
  
"Hey, wasn't she in the middle of the rabid hamster attack back at Save-On as well?" Pigma questioned as he poked a hoof on his lagomorphine pal's shoulder.  
  
Vixy shook her head. "No... I was in the bathroom the whole time."  
  
"The bathroom? What were you doing in the bathroom the whole time?"  
  
The vixen became quiet again, even during the time when Peppy ran over a one-legged possum.  
  
As a dragonfly squished into the car's windshield, Vixy decided to speak up. "So... did you buy the food?"  
  
The car bounced again a two-headed gopher. Peppy answered, as he looked back, "They're all in the trunk. Sorry, Vixy." The vixen grumbled as an earthworm with a parachute squished into the windshield. The road trip then became quiet again for five minutes.  
  
After running over a sleeping cow, Vixy decided to break the silence. "What did you guys buy?"  
  
"Chips, ice cream, frozen pasta for the cafeteria, cookies, and some cups of noodles," Peppy replied calmly as a little canary squished into the windshield. "That's it."  
  
Pigma glanced at the rabbit. "You didn't buy it?"  
  
"Buy what?"  
  
Vixy watched nervously as Pigma started breaking out into really fake wailing, making Peppy realize what he was talking about (but not Vixy) and pull out a harisen from outta nowhere then smack him on the head. The car bounced again when it ran over a purple dinosaur with a "Will Work For Kids (And perhaps some weed)" sign in his short arms. After that, it was quiet again.  
  
Pigma got sick of the silence (as well as the strangeness in the road trip). "Gawddammit, Vixy, you're hiding something! I know it!"  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"You've been acting rather strangely lately! You've been eating like a famished rat on Christmas Day, you mentioned fainting earlier today, your boobs somehow gotten bigger-"  
  
Vixy slapped him on the spot.  
  
"Incoming!" Peppy cried out as they ran over blue roadrunner, screeching out "Beep beep! Beep- EEP!!!" The car screeched to a halt after they felt it bump several times and before a large brown coyote crept under it and dragged the bird away, licking his lips (I always wanted Wile E. to catch that stoopid Roadrunner ^^; Sorry, Roadrunner fans!)  
  
The vixen panted for breath. "What now?!"  
  
"The car! It stopped!" Peppy cried out as he stamped on the gas pedal and shifted the gear.  
  
Pigma moaned. "Then make it go!"  
  
"Don't tell me we're out of gas..." Vixy moaned.  
  
The rabbit leaned forward to look at his car's status. "Not only we're out of gas, I overheated the engine-"  
  
"We're screwed!" Pigma groaned.  
  
"I don't feel good...." Vixy started to mutter, covering her mouth.  
  
Both the rabbit and pig turned to the vixen, seeing her face turn green. Pigma grumbled, "Oh, no, Vixy, you're not gonna-"  
  
"URRGH...... HURK.....BLEEEECH!!!!"  
  
Vixy ducked to the car floor and began vomiting. Peppy cried out, "Vixy! We just had this car cleaned!"  
  
Pigma saw a little yellow duckling come from where Vixy vomited. It quacked a few times before it hopped on the pig's head and out the window.  
  
Peppy stared. "Now that was.... random."  
  
"Where did that duck come from?" Pigma asked.  
  
Vixy looked in all sides. "I though it was a marshmallow peep...."  
  
***  
  
"Man, it's hot out here..." Pigma groaned as he leaned on the car as Peppy dialed for a tow by his cellular phone. Vixy out in the bushes by the freeway, vomiting.  
  
The pig turned to the vixen. "Are you quite finished?"  
  
"Almost..." Vixy coughed. She hurled one more time, coughing out a little diced carrot rowing on top of a piece of celery and using toothpicks to row. Pigma watched the little vegetable row off.  
  
"O.... kay...."  
  
"I'm really sorry about that..." Vixy groaned as she wiped her mouth.  
  
Peppy clapped his cell phone closed and turned to his companions. "The tow truck won't be coming until four hours...."  
  
"Four hours?! Why in the world would they take four hours until they get here?"  
  
"Well, all the tow trucks in the area are already taken... they're busy towing away cars that have been by one-legged possums, two-headed gophers, sleeping cows, and a man impersonating a children's TV character with marijuana in his pants."  
  
Pigma and Vixy turned to glance at each other.  
  
"Let's just walk..." Pigma continued. "I already told the tow truck to tow the car to the Cornerian Base, and it's a ten minute drive there. If we walk, we can make it there in about an hour or two."  
  
"An hour?! Two?!" Pigma squealed. "I don't wanna walk for over an hour!"  
  
"Well, would you rather wait four LONG hours for the tow truck to arrive?"  
  
Pigma turned to the freeway. Behind them, a car ran over a purple Teletubby and flattened its wheel while the Teletubby spilled its bag of ecstasy all over the road. He turned back to Peppy, "The road's dangerous, and the show's pretty entertaining........ let's walk back."  
  
Vixy nodded in agreement.  
  
***  
  
"What a day..." Peppy muttered under his breath as half an hour already passed.  
  
Pigma sat down on a rock. "I think I'll put this in the list of 'The Worst Day of my Entire Life' and put it in number four."  
  
The rabbit turned to the pig and sat down by him. "What are the first, second, and third worst days of your life?"  
  
"Third- when I was hit by a steamroller and taken to a butcher shop instead of the hospital."  
  
"Oooh, I remember that... those meat hooks never looked pretty."  
  
"Second- when I got shot down by this hot babe I've been having my eyes on for a long time, got pitched in a dumpster, then taken by the garbage men to a dump fifty miles away."  
  
"I think I was out of town at that time..."  
  
"Number one- I woke up with a piranha chewing on my two, three goats eating my underwear, four cows eating my breakfast, and a truck with farm and zoo animals crashed through my living room wall. If that wasn't so bad, I got hit by a car driven by monkeys with three butts, and this cat-dog creature with heads at both ends was chasing me until it was able to bite my-"  
  
"Hey, fellas!" a deep voice called out. Both the pig and rabbit turned to the road, seeing a large frog driving a T-Bird.  
  
"Beltino?!"  
  
"James has been calling you guys on your phones, but no one answered. I knew where you are, so I told him that I'd be picking you up! However, when I saw that the Save-On nearby the McDonald's was being inspected for rabid hamsters, I knew already that you'd be coming back here!"  
  
"Oh, that's right," Peppy murmured. "I told you we'd be going to the nearest fast food restaurant..."  
  
"Where's Vixy?"  
  
"Vixy?" Peppy and Pigma looked in all directions. Beltino leaned out the window to find Vixy sitting solemnly alone on a rock further away from where the men are.  
  
The frog and pig looked at the rabbit. "I'll go get her," Peppy said as he walked off. He slowly approached the vixen who was muttering to herself. Before he went on telling her it was time to go, he decided to listen.  
  
"James... um..." Vixy murmured. "How am I going to say this?... Do you like kids? Oh...... okay..... well.... what would you say that...... no, that won't work-"  
  
"What are you muttering about?" Peppy asked curiously.  
  
Vixy nearly fell off the rock. "Peppy!"  
  
"Well?"  
  
"I was......... um..... I... was-"  
  
"It's not what you were, it's you are...." a smile appeared on the rabbit's face. "You fainted.... you've been eating a lot, and you threw up...."  
  
"It could be BECAUSE I was eating a lot!"  
  
"You sound like there was another reason!"  
  
Vixy hesitated. She managed a weak smile and started confessing. "The reason I was in the bathroom during the rabid hamster invasion was that...... I was taking a pregnancy test-"  
  
"Oh, my gawd..... and the results?"  
  
"Positive."  
  
Peppy placed his brown paws over his mouth. Vixy started crying.  
  
***  
  
"Here we are!" Beltino told the trio by the time he arrived at the Base with them. Vixy was sleeping peacefully on Peppy's lap. Pigma was peeping at her panties again, but luckily Beltino caught him and smacked him with a wrench.  
  
Peppy was the first to step out, with Vixy in his arms. Pigma stepped out next. "So.... she's gonna have a litter?"  
  
"We're not quite sure if she's going to have a litter. Vixy herself and even James were born in single births. It could be possible that Vixy is having just one baby."  
  
"Who knows... she'll have to see a doctor soon."  
  
Beltino placed the parking brake in his car and stepped out. "Well, fellas, how are you going to tell James the news?"  
  
"Excuse us?" the pig and rabbit said in unison.  
  
"Well, aren't you guys gonna tell him? Vixy's asleep, and it's best to let her sleep. James should know about this as soon as possible; after all, he's the father."  
  
Peppy turned to his piggy comrade. "We were thinking of waiting until Vixy wakes up so she can tell him herself. I think it's better that way when the expectant mother tells the expectant father about their upcoming child."  
  
"Well.... do you think that this kind of news should wait?"  
  
Pigma turned to Vixy, who was sleeping peacefully like an angel (do angels drool? Cuz Vixy is @_@). He turned to Beltino, smiling. "I think we can tell him ourselves."  
  
***  
  
"Dr. Andross!" Peppy and Pigma cried out as soon as they saw the primate scientist limp in the halls. Andross turned to them, wearing a bandage around his head, ankles, and arms, and band-aids all over his face and neck. The pig and rabbit stopped dead in their tracks. "What happened to you?! You look like you fell in a pit of rattlesnakes!"  
  
"More like a vat of mustard, thank you very much," Andross mumbled dryly. He limped to them a bit closer, "What do you want?"  
  
"Have you seen James around?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"We..... eh......" they looked at each other. "We have to tell them about Vixy!"  
  
"What about Vixy?"  
  
"She's pregnant!"  
  
"She's what?!" Andross accidentally stepped with his foot sideways and toppled over. "Ow!"  
  
"Are you all right?!" Pigma ran to Andross's side, Peppy doing the same.  
  
Andross waved an injured hand. "No, no, I'm fine, but........ Vixy's pregnant?! Litter or single?"  
  
"We don't know.... we just found out today. Vixy too."  
  
"You went to the hospital?"  
  
"No. The nearest Save-On, actually. We were there because we were buying food. Meanwhile, Vixy took one of those home pregnancy tests."  
  
"Have you heard about the rabid hamster attack there?"  
  
Peppy and Pigma looked at each then back to Andross. "We were there."  
  
"Oh, my gawd..... was it bad?"  
  
"You have no idea..........."  
  
"Well, I heard James was looking for Vixy around the Base. The last place I saw him was near the Southern Division."  
  
Peppy widened his eyes. "Southern Division?! Isn't that place under reconstruction?"  
  
"If you're going to meet him there, here." Andross held out a pair of broken glasses. "James accidentally dropped and broke his glasses while trying to run from a runaway giant Garfield, Snoopy, and Bugs Bunny balloons."  
  
"First Disneyland now the Rose Parade?"  
  
"We have to get James quick!" Pigma cried out as he snatched the glasses away and ran off to the Southern Division.  
  
Andross watched anxiously. "Why?"  
  
"You don't know James like we do," Peppy chuckled nervously. "Without his glasses, he's blinder than a bat!"  
  
"Actually, some species of bats have very excellent sense of sight, if not hearing and smell-"  
  
"Whatever! Thanks, and see ya, Andross!"  
  
"Um........ bye?"  
  
***  
  
"I seem to be lost...." James murmured to himself as he was hoisted away fifty feet from the ground on a wooden plank by a crane. "This doesn't seem to be the elevator........ I think I'll try someplace else."  
  
Peppy and Pigma ran by just in time, only to see James lift a foot to step off. "JAMES, NOOO!!!"  
  
As soon as James stepped forward, he caught footing of another hoisted plank. This one was then placed gently on the fifth floor of the building in construction. His ears twitched at the voices of his wingmen. He looked around... since he no longer has his glasses, very much everything was blurred. "Peppy! Pigma! What a surprise!"  
  
Pigma began running closer to the construction. "James, are you DRUNK???!!! We know you're useless without your glasses, but c'mon! You should still be able to tell you're in a CONSTRUCTION SITE!!!"  
  
"What?!" James cried out. "I can't hear you!"  
  
Peppy looked around. Four men were in jackhammers. Plus the fact that James was five floors above them, no wonder he can't hear them. He yanked Pigma's collar and pointed to an elevator. "Hang on, James! We'll come get you!"  
  
Unfortunately, James didn't hear them. "Oh, my, are those jackhammers? Either the General is watching some kind of Bugs Bunny cartoon, or I'm pretty close to the Southern Division. I better step away... the place is under construction, and it's pretty dangerous......" He turned to crane's hook that hung nearby and spoke to it, "Excuse me, madam...... I've broken my glasses, and I cannot see very well, so I was on my way somewhere but I seem to be lost! Can you direct me to the infirmary nearest to the Eastern Division?"  
  
"What the hell? He's talking to a crane's hook!" Pigma grumbled as the elevator began approaching the fifth floor. Before they would start heading to him, the hook moved and caught onto James's collar, lifting him and carrying him higher. "Oh, CRAP!!!!"  
  
"Hey! Um.... Madam?" James muttered nervously, not realizing he's being lifted high up into the air and over sixty feet up. "You can just give me directions... I don't need to be carried!"  
  
"That James is gonna be killed!" Peppy cried out as he pressed the buttons on the elevator to make it move higher.  
  
Pigma began hopping madly. "Oh, my gawd, Peppy..... James's collar is ripping!"  
  
"WHAT???!!!"  
  
James, who is now far enough from the jackhammers, could hear his collar ripping. He felt it too. "Madam! You're tearing my clothes! You can let go of me now!"  
  
*RIIIIIIP!!!*  
  
Peppy and Pigma covered their eyes, screaming as if they're the ones falling. "AAAAAAAAAAGH!!!" What they didn't know was that when James's collar ripped, his feet were just inches above the next floor. By the time he fell, he only dropped about five inches. When Peppy opened his fingers and Pigma his hooves, they could see that their leader was just fine... and four stories higher.  
  
Pigma slammed his fist on the elevator's buttons. "Gawddammit, why won't this elevator move any further higher?!"  
  
*BRRRRRRRRRRRNNNGGGGGGG.....*  
  
Peppy glared at Pigma. "Pigma........."  
  
*SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!!!!!* Instead of the elevator shooting up, it began dropping DOWN.  
  
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" *CRASH!!!*  
  
"Wow........" James muttered. "They should turn the TV turn... it feels like I'm really in a construction site!"  
  
Surprisingly, both Pigma and Peppy survived the five story drop (if they didn't, then they wouldn't be there for the Lylat Wars, would they?! O.O). Instead of taking another elevator, they literally climbed flights of stairs just to reach James. And James, who was dodging the flying red-hot screws, sparks, hooks, and iron balls, just simply walked by as if it was nothing.  
  
Sadly, only four flights were built. There was no more for the rabbit and pig to advance. Pigma growled as he hollered, "Great! Now not only do we have no more way to get up-!"  
  
"James won't have a way to come down..." Peppy sighed sadly.  
  
Another hook was coming by, this time swinging towards James's head.... and James stopped walking, standing right on the hook's path. He brought his left wrist close to his face, his nose very close to his wristwatch. "Maybe if I squint, I can see what time it is..."  
  
"JAAAAAAAAAAAAMES!!!!!"  
  
The watch, somehow, snapped and fell off the fox's wrist. "Oh, great.... I just bought that watch!" Just seconds before the hook would connect to the utterly clueless canine, James bent over to feel the plank he stood on for it. The hook swung cleanly over his head, barely touching a hair on his head. James felt the watch as he felt around carefully. "Ah, here it is!"  
  
Peppy and Pigma sighed in relief, feeling their racing hearts settle. They began racing, and their sighing turned to screaming when the hook began swing back, snapping off the chains, and falling right into them. It smacked into them, hitting their shoulders, causing them to lose balance and fall off. *SPIIIIIIIIIIRAAAAAAAAAL!!!!* *CRASH!!!*  
  
James smiled. "Oh......... and that sounds like a Wile E. Coyote cartoon! Man, I wish he can catch that RoadRunner someday......."  
  
"Mr. McCloud?" a voice called out. James turned to his side. One of the construction workers, a stork, noticed the mercenary wandering about the site. She placed down her peanut butter, cheese, apple sauce, chili, and pickles sandwich and approached the vulpine. "What are you doing here? You could've gotten hurt!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You're in the Southern Division..... it's under construction, sir. It's quite dangerous!"  
  
"I am?!" Finally, James realized where he is. "Oh, I very sorry, Miss..." he squinted as he moved close to the worker's identification tag (wow, she has one?). "Miss Ai Seyoupi (ICUP, or I See You Pee)! Can you help me come down?"  
  
"Of course!"  
  
***  
  
By the time James was escorted by Ai Seyoupi to the bottom most floor, Beltino was waiting nearby. "Oh, James! You're all right!"  
  
"Yeah...... I was really lucky, was I?" ^^;  
  
"Here!" Beltino held out a pair of eyeglasses. "I was asked to hold your extra pair of glasses... I heard you broke your glasses on your way around, so here!"  
  
"Oh, thank you, Beltino," James thanked the frog as he slipped the extra pair on. He looked around, glad to see clearly again. "Oh...... I really am in the construction site, am I?"  
  
"You are, sir," Ai said nervously.  
  
A tap on his shoulder got the vulpine's attention, but as soon as he turned around, he screamed. Ai shrieked and ran off, but Beltino just stared. James pointed to two creatures with grey goop all over them, one of them with long ears and the other with a snout. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!! MONSTERS!!!"  
  
"WE'RE NOT MONSTERS!!!" the voices of Peppy and Pigma cried out angrily. James panted for relief. The grey goop was just wet cement.  
  
Beltino blinked. "Peppy? Pigma?"  
  
James pointed out the obvious to his comrades. "You're........ covered with cement!"  
  
"YA F###ING THINK???!!!"  
  
***  
  
"Sigh....... my, was this a strange day........." James said as he began walking back to the Eastern Division. "First, Vixy faints, then I've been hit by circus parade, then an elephant, then I run into the middle of a construction site! As if this day couldn't get any worse......."  
  
Very soon he began approaching the infirmary, Vixy standing close to the doorway, her eyes soft and hands over her belly. James's frustrated frown turned to a smile at the sight of his beloved wife. "Oh, Vixy......."  
  
Vixy sighed. "How am I going to tell James that I'm pregnant?"  
  
Suddenly time stopped for the male fox. Everything seemed to slow down... his vision blurred, and the sounds echoed out. The footsteps, his breathing, and even his own heart echoed in James's ears... he could feel the blood rushing in his palms. James froze in his steps, staring blankly forward. Vixy slowly turned sideways, seeing her husband by her side, petrified as a rock. "James?"  
  
It was the husband's turn to topple over and faint. 


End file.
